Using the Enneagram
to foster
Relationship Growth

The Enneagram is a personality and spiritual growth system that maps the growth paths for 9 unique types–each representing distinct ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

By identifying Enneagram type, couples gain insight into their core motivations and drives, fear, and communication styles.

This understanding fosters empathy, helping each partner see the other’s perspective, embrace personal growth, and address relationship challenges with greater compassion and clarity.

What is the Enneagram?

In Enneagram Couples Coaching, partners learn how their individual paths intersect, supporting deeper connection, emotional support, and a shared journey toward intimacy and mutual growth.

a brief overview of each Enneagram type and how it may manifest in a relationship

Type One: The Reformer

Principled and perfectionistic, Ones value integrity and strive for improvement.
In relationships, they can be supportive and reliable, though they may struggle with being overly critical or idealistic about how things “should” be.
Type Two: The Helper

Warm and caring, Twos are highly attuned to others’ needs.
They bring love and attentiveness to relationships but may also seek validation through helping, risking feelings of resentment if they feel unappreciated.
Type Three: The Achiever

Driven and adaptable, Threes are motivated by success and personal goals.
In relationships, they’re encouraging and supportive, yet may prioritize achievements over emotional intimacy, needing to slow down to connect more deeply.
Type Four: The Individualist

Deeply emotional and expressive, Fours seek authenticity and depth.
They bring creativity, intensity, and insight to relationships, yet may wrestle with feelings of inadequacy or moodiness, sometimes needing reassurance from their partner.
Type Five: The Investigator

Introspective and independent, Fives value knowledge and personal space.
They can be insightful and loyal partners but may withdraw or struggle to express emotions, needing encouragement to open up and be more actively engaged.
Type Six: The Loyalist

Security-oriented and loyal, Sixes seek stability and are highly responsible.
In relationships, they’re dependable and protective, though may struggle with anxiety or trust, needing reassurance from their partner. They may also struggle to take reasonable risks.
Type Seven: The Enthusiast

Fun-loving and spontaneous, Sevens enjoy new experiences and freedom.
They bring positivity and adventure but may avoid difficult emotions or topics, needing to develop patience and focus in deeper relationship matters.
Type Eight: The Challenger

Strong and assertive, Eights value control and self-sufficiency.
They are protective and confident partners but may come across as domineering, benefiting from learning vulnerability and emotional openness. They may also struggle to identify their own pain and vulnerability.
Type Nine: The Peacemaker

Easygoing and accepting, Nines seek harmony and avoid conflict.
They bring calm and support to relationships but may struggle with indecisiveness or suppressing their own needs, needing encouragement to assert themselves.

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Each type’s strengths and challenges offer unique ways for growth and connection, allowing couples to appreciate and complement one another’s qualities and navigate their differences with understanding and empathy.

Frequently asked questions

If you are just beginning your journey to find your type, I encourage you to look into one of two online typing tests:
Enneagram Compass Test
https://cpenneagram.com/compass
IEQ9
https://www.integrative9.com/enneagram/test/couples/
I am able to do typing interviews for clients who intend to continue with coaching. Feel free to inquire with me to learn more!
When people question their type, this can be because of three may reasons:
1. We are changing. When we grow and develop, the aspects of our personality that we choose to express changes (typically along wings and arrow lines). When this occurs, we can feel like we are no longer our type.
2. We learn more about ourselves. When we learn new things about ourselves, that changes how we see our patterns and motivations. When this happens, it can feel like our type is changing, but instead we are just becoming more aware. Another way of putting that is your type doesn’t change, but your accuracy in determining your type changes.
3. Someone else’s energy is getting in the way. For some people, they can be highly influenced by the energy and personality of a parent, romantic, partner, friend, or sibling. It can be difficult to delineate between what is your and what is someone else’s personality. For those this occurs to, it can be very difficult to find your type. To assess whether or not this might be happening to you, notice if you have a tendency to take on other people’s emotions, traits, internists, or mannerisms. Furthermore, when you are no longer with that person, what happens?
Yes! Dan Siegel, Researcher, Psychologist, and Neurobiologist, just released a new book on Nov. 19th, 2024 titled “Personality and Wholeness in Therapy: Integrating 9 Patterns of Developmental Pathways in Clinical Practice” which compiles all the most recent research about the Enneagram, its use as a model for change, details on the various types of personality, and the Neurobiology underpinnings behind the Enneagram types. Check it out!